Talk:Things/@comment-4945309-20160322031313
03:13, March 22, 2016 (UTC) lilah's side of the angstfest: *in her fourth year, she didn't really understand why she had to talk to sybil a lot? lilah's not good with feelings and emotions and attachment and all that. to her, it makes perfect sense that after being together for such a long time, an entire summer in fact, sybil wouldn't want to see her that much? *not to mention lilah sorta thought that she needed to let sybil do her own thing, and wouldn't want her interfering. yeah, she was concerned about sybil and all that, but she was already in hufflepuff with newt and just because you don't rp things out doesn't mean that they didn't happen. like, i'm pretty sure lilah made it a point to check on sybil, however briefly, at least once a week *at the same time lilah had her own love drama and she didn't want sybil to get damay (that's a filipino word for collateral damage or something), so yes, she may have talked to sybil less because for her, sybil was doing fine, and lilah had her own problems that she had to deal with. *at the time her mentality with problems was sorta she needed to prioritize herself, because there's no way she can help others without helping herself first. she needed to figure out her own shit before accidentally getting other people involved. *then summer happened. newt left and she was just heartbroken, except she wanted to figure out her own shit before getting sybil involved in her cryfest, so she hid it. she was not fine for the longest time, even going as far as cutting, and nobody noticed *lilah's just been trying to make sure sybil's okay? except it super didn't work. at all. like, during the summer sybil just totally pushed her away and made lilah feel like she was just doing a crappy job at being a sister because newt was always better at making everything feel like a family. *and then sybil actually called her out on being a terrible sister, and lilah can't argue with that because if sybil feels it then it's obviously true, right? *when fifth year started, she decided that her old mentality was wrong (even though, in my opinion, it was right-er) and stopped trying to help herself and instead focused on helping others. so, yeah, she's dying on the inside, but that doesn't matter to her *that's why she's tried to help sybil accept everything, that's why she's tried getting greg to talk about his problems, that's why she's trying to help newt earn sybil's forgiveness. because now, to her, it doesn't matter if it kills her, other people are going to come first. *the only person this entire year who acknowledged that she was broken is newt and she can't even properly thank him for that because she knows that if she gets closer and closer to him, sybil will just see it as betrayal, so she's just back where she's started, self-sacrificial *the advice she gave him was to try and that's because this entire year she's been trying so she doesn't want to be the only one who hasn't given up yet *newt gave her shit for hooking up with greg and to be honest greg has been her only constant this entire year, and he has expected nothing from her. their sarcastic conversations give her life and keep her sane and hooking up with him is like one of the only things she's done this past year because it makes her feel better, and people are giivng her shit for it *then greg got amnesia so now she didn't even have him anymore *greg has apparently been lying this entire time about amnesia and she feels defeated because she thought he trusted her, but apparently, once again, her best isn't enough for him to consider them as friends *now at the dance hall, she's finally let out a little bit of the weight on her heart and sybil told her it wasn't her problem. and lilah knows she's right, she shouldn't be bothering people with her problems. and now it's "lilah is terrible sister pt. 2348302984098" for not paying attention to sybil's problems even though that's what she's been trying to do this entire year because she's been caught up in her own. *even if her problems are all a result of other people's problems *even if this entire year, everyone else's problems became her problems *and now she's realized fully that she won't ever be enough as a person, for anyone in her life *so she's done. she's exhausted and she's tired and she just wants to go back to having zero feelings at all, or die. whichever's easier. *think of it as trying to make a turtle win a race against a jaguar. yeah, the turtle's trying! but even its fastest isn't gonna be enough. that's lilah. she's trying and trying so hard to just make sybil happy, but it's not enough